Marriage Rescue
Let's face it, when we meet someone special and start dating, we do all kinds of sweet things for one another: hold the door, leave little notes, go on dates... you know the routine!
But then, as time passes, we stop the niceties... we forget an anniversary, we forego saying 'please' and 'thank you' and so on... this is where relationships slip into 'the danger zone' of familiarity.
That's right. You are comfortable. You let your hair down (and leave it on the floor)... but do you realize your relationship may be in trouble?
Professional counselors and successfully married couples will tell you that one of the very first signs that a relationship is going south is when we stop extending common courtesies to one another. Selfishness creeps in. The little things that used to be so endearing are now annoyances. The relationship is no longer the focus and we forget the key ingredient of valuing your significant other. The relationship which once gave you joy, excitement - energy - now stands in neglect. Taking your spouse for granted is a relationship killer, though it may take its toll over a long period of time.
But never fear! Here are a handful of simple day-to-day actions which will increase the likelihood that your spouse feels that you deeply care about him or her.
Take the time to express your appreciation toward your spouse. With your pride aside, you can focus on someone else's needs. When the focus is off of you, and on someone else - you begin the process of understanding that person. Consider how you might give them some kind of assistance which would help lighten their load. How about offering to do the dishes or run errands they normally handle? Ladies, take the time to thank your husbands for playing with the kids after a long day of work or for cutting the grass despite the heat and humidity. These are simple statements which express gratitude - no matter who handles which duty. The level of gratitude between you and your spouse is a kind of litmus test which gauges the health of your relationship.
Use specific examples and language to demonstrate your interest, high level of engagement and attention to detail which says 'I'm paying attention and noticing you even in the small things, like I did when we were dating.' Trust me, this level of communication will inject a major dose of energy and love into your marriage! Silence, particularly over time, will build a wall of separation and independence destructive to your union.
Be bold, not shy! It's crucial to say what you need to say to let your spouse know how much you love them. Don't hold back when it comes to your feelings and emotions.
But, Joel, what should I say that would be pleasing to my spouse?
Some of you already have an idea... but since this is a rescue, you might need a little prodding - so I did some research and here's what I found to help you out (feel free to borrow them - hint, hint):
Tell your wife she's beautiful - and not just when she's dressed up! 76% of women are deeply pleased when their husbands tell them how beautiful they are, especially if she's been married for years!
Compliment your husband - in public! 72% of all men feel deeply pleased when their wives pay them a compliment in public. It says to him 'I'm proud of you and to be with you. I admire you.'
And finally, husbands and wives, use your spouse's first name when sharing your 'love sentiments' with them. Calling your spouse 'honey' or 'sweetheart' is cute and nice, however, calling your spouse by name as you express a sentiment of specific appreciation is extremely moving and powerful! Calling someone's name gets their focus and attention so that when you deliver your sincere sentiment of appreciation and/or gratitude, it comes across strong and powerful. That's what I call the 'wow factor' of love communication!
Now go forth and rescue your marriage - even before it needs it...
